Stories from the Love-Starved

Stories from the Love-Starved
By: Krinda Joy Carlson
Intern, Ceitci Demirkova Ministries

The other day I entered Wal-Mart’s restroom, and in one of the stalls I saw a pregnancy test. It was negative. The image of it sitting there made me want to cry. My first thought was, What type of desperate situation would force someone to take their pregnancy test in Wal-Mart? A scenario played out in my head:

There’s a girl who had it all. She grew up with a family that attended church regularly, lived in a great neighborhood, and had the “perfect” American life. On the outside. Inside, though, she was desperate. Desperate to satisfy her craving for love. Her father never said “I love you,” and she felt her family never talked about real feelings, feelings that were ready to shatter her to pieces if they didn’t find an outlet. So, behind closed doors she sought the cure. Her medicine became attention from boys. But there were side effects, for her hunger to feel special and loved only increased each time she slept with her boyfriend. One day, the inevitable came: she missed her menstrual cycle. It took her a day to gather the courage to drive to Wal-Mart. Standing in the aisle with the pregnancy tests, she waited until she was alone. Her arm felt like lead, barely able to rise and pick up the box. It seemed to mock her. I can’t…I can’t be seen with this. I’m supposed to be this perfect Christian girl! It was so easy for her to slip it in her purse and walk to the bathroom, paranoid the whole time that if she made eye contact the people she passed would know. As she shut herself in the stall. She felt sick – she took the test. The next few minutes of waiting took an infinity. When the results showed, she almost fainted with relief. Blue was her new favorite color. She hung over the toilet, breathing…breathing. After collecting herself, she stared at the test, unable to bring herself to touch it again. And, too afraid someone would see her carrying it to the garbage, she left it sitting in the stall. She had a scare, but she was safe now. Somehow she didn’t feel much better as she left Wal-Mart…all she could think was, I’m a criminal and I’m so dirty. I need…something. But no one will ever know…
She goes home to an empty house.
No one is there to hold her and tell her...

Though I made this particular story up, it’s composed from reality. I’ve worked with numerous girls who have the same story, just translated in a different version. This craving for love, however, doesn’t just gnaw at girls. Guys have their own hunger-pains.

He, too, grew up going to church periodically as a boy, but phased out of attending as he grew older. His family was pretty much a wreck, and he craved something more. He looked, and looked. Maybe it would be found in a woman’s touch? His first serious girlfriend was at age sixteen. She manipulated him, sucked him dry, and left him with his manhood punctured by the barrage of her words. He was sure his heart would never be whole again. Until, an angel came along. She patched the holes and made him feel a man once more. They went to church together, prayed together, and…slept together. After all, they loved eachother. He knew she wanted him, and that made him feel needed, it gave him purpose. But it didn’t seem to be enough. He still hungered. So, he decided that one day they would be married – that would fix his consuming desire. They graduated. A year later, she broke it off. As she left, she ripped off every patch on his heart, and added a few punctures of her own. He stood alone, the wind of pain whistling through his abused heart. Love is a lie, God is a lie. If it was all a lie, he knew life wasn’t worth it. But something inside of him still beat to live, so he chose to numb it all away. Party every weekend, one hook up after the next, experimenting with anything to bring pleasure. I’m iron, I’m steal. Don’t care, don’t care, don’t care…just live. No matter what, when he was alone he still cared. And he panted to be cared for. I’m so dirty. I need…something. He knows better than to open up again…
He goes to sleep with an empty heart.
No one’s there to tell him…

…what? What is no one there to tell him? What did the girl never hear? They both grew up going to church, and yet they were still starved for love. Isn’t the God of love enough to keep these young people from vacuuming up pleasure from the dirty floors of this world? Yes, the God of Love is, but the god of religion is not. How many times does someone enter a church who has a story like this, and all they feel is numbing, burning shame because they are held at arms length. But what if, when they fell, someone was there to hold them tight and tell them, “You’re worth more than ever! God doesn’t love you for what you can do for him, or what you don’t do. HE JUST LOVES YOU.” Religion says instead: you’re worthless, or worth less, to God when you mess up, when you hurt, when you are essentially human. This message breeds stories like the ones above, and, ultimately, death. But Love – in the words of Jesus – says: “I showed My love for you by dying for you while you were still a sinner” (Romans 5:8). This message brings LIFE, and it is the “something” the individuals from our stories instinctively know they need!

As representatives of Jesus on this earth, He asks us to send the message of love and not religion. For until we realize that love is not “that we loved God, but that He loved us” first (1 John 4:10), we’ll always be pursuing and craving after love. But when we realize love is not earned, then we can accept the life-changing, head-over heels, all-out, reach-for-the-stars love relationship God wants to have with us. And, when we understand and accept the real unconditionality of God, it is only then that we truly learn to love Him and others, and our life choices naturally follow. This is what every man, woman, child, and youth longs and hungers for – the ability to love and be loved unconditionally. Two questions then remain:
What message have you been given about God?
And, are you giving religion or the message of Jesus to this love-starved world?

Only the love of Jesus satisfies.